I came by this quote via a friend of mine. I had never thought about this perspective to be honest. I began to really think about it and it’s completely correct. We fear things that are scary or that hurt. We wouldn’t know something is scary unless we knew what the outcome could be and we wouldn’t know that something would hurt unless it has hurt us before. I’m using ‘scary’ and ‘hurt’ in every aspect of the words possible… from physical pain to the more intense and longterm emotional pain, to the pain we feel when our emotional pain crosses the line of physical pain because of how deep the wound is.
As sure of ourselves as we are about “knowing” that something could hurt… “The things we fear the most, have already happened to us.” says it all. I know some of the things that I have lived through and continue to battle are possibly the hardest emotional hits I may ever endure. They have forever changed me as a person, I will never be that blindly driven person of years past. No, unfortunately, I am now the cynical and ever so skeptical person that attempts to avoid most real human connection for fear that it will hurt as it has in the past. I always wonder… how much can a person take? Well, as I am finding out- this answer changes. What I feel is “enduring” today is not the same as what my definition of “enduring” was 6 months ago. So the answer is infinite.
I have recently discovered something about myself along this journey of enduring, if that makes sense, is that I increasingly don’t trust other people. I never did much to begin with but with certain events in the not too distant past, I have realized that the only person you can wholly trust is yourself. But then the real kicker… what do you do when you know there are certain situations that you know you can’t even trust yourself. Well, I say that, but what I mean to say is I am afraid to trust myself because of where it has gotten me before- but then I just end up here again….. “The things we fear the most, have already happened to us.”